thequeenstons:

I know I’m on tonight my hips don’t lie

And I’m starting to feel it’s right

All the attraction, the tension

Don’t you see baby, this is perfection

(Shakira, Shakira)

(via bullet-for-your-dreams)

thernardier:

“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes

(Source: kawhoru, via bullet-for-your-dreams)

foreveralone-lyguy:

tomatolovers:

so my mom gave me all these ballons

my mom also wakes up at 4am half asleep to go to pee without turning the lights on

the cat cant even get in

(via berepah)

letterstogodptiii:

tea-books-and-blankets:

yaygocats:

discomplete:

“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography

“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.

“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy 

“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book

(via theoryofadeadwoman)

I may not go down in history but I’ll go down on you

(Source: deargodidontfeelalive, via niallersspecialclover)

colorado-wannabe:

So in English class we had to draw a scene from The Great Gatsby. After the drawings were done the teacher was showing them to the class, and one drawing was a pic of Gatsby reaching towards at the green light, but in the drawing Gatsby didn’t have hands. So my teacher starts saying something like how this picture has hidden meaning and portrays the helplessness Gatsby feels, and the kid next to me just casually says “I can’t draw hands.”

(via laughcentre)

mrschriskendall:

”where do you wanna go to dinner?”

”i don’t care”

”ok”

(via laughcentre)